Why Forgive?

Image Credit:  CROSSPOINTE CHURCH & crazylittlethingcalledlove

I must admit, I haven't always been someone who forgives.  I still struggle with it sometimes today. Forgiveness was always hard for me.  Until recently, I've always felt like the perpetrator or the person who hurt me either knowingly or unknowingly needed to understand what they did and be sorry for what they did before I could offer them my forgiveness. If that person didn't have remorse, show remorse and fully grasp how they wronged me, I held on to my anger, hurt and bitterness toward them.  I also wouldn't really forgive them even if  I said I did and even if I thought I did. I have been hurt throughout my life by family members and friends. Some people have hurt me tremendously.  Whether it be abuse, abandonment or words...I have been hurt by others. The worst part is, I have learned that most people do not hold themselves accountable for the part they play in hurting others.  When it comes down to it, it's much easier for folks to point the finger at the one they wronged or justify their hurtful actions rather than accept that they were wrong. I have had arguments and disagreements with people whom I love. There have been battles, words exchanged and silent treatments...this came from both ends. Recently, as I went through the trials in my marriage and was about three baby steps away from my divorce...God did a work in me. He did more work in me than I even realized at the time. It began with my husband. I was so angry, withdrawn, bitter, resentful and so busy placing so much misguided blame on him that until God shook up my thinking , opened up my heart and showed me the truth, I wasn't able to get past how I was hurting.  For the first time, I was able to see that I was withdrawn, bitter, resentful and blameful because of my PRIDE. I was too focused on how I felt my husband should be or what I felt my husband shouldn't be doing that I neglected to see how I wronged him. How did I hurt him? Because of my pride and bitterness, my husband was the recipient of much slander, destruction and character assassination from me. Yet, I couldn't see it because I was so busy not forgiving! I missed how I was wrong! I missed how I was hurting him and ultimately our marriage! Yes, I played a HUGE roll in the downfall of our marriage for such a long time.  I actually grew accustomed to disliking him and blaming him.  I couldn't see that he didnt' deserve at all what I was doing to him and how my actions were destroying his respect for me and the respect he received from others. In my anger, bad things were done to him and his character because "I was so hurt"!  I didn't realize that I could be hurt and not turn to lashing out. I should have turned it over to my Father in Heaven so that He could walk me through the hurt I was feeling and lead me to what I understand today. I caused so much needless wreckage in my marriage!  I was accountable and responsible for hurt too!  I was not the wife I should have been. I didn't love my husband selflessly!  I didn't support my husband endlessly!  I failed!  Instead, because I couldn't forgive him while things were so minor and because I couldn't accept who he was, I ended up destroying the ONLY man I have ever loved.  I chose to hold on to whatever wrongs I perceived he committed.  I understand now that I wasn't able to forgive and so much carnage was done because I was in control and I was angry.  I didn't turn any issues I had or feelings of despair I had over to Him!  God looks to heal and grow you. He is not interested in you or your marriage falling apart.  So, back to my separation...I had turned things over to my Father...finally.  I had been praying and seeking Godly counsel for many months and unbeknownst to me, God was doing a huge change in me.  Starting out, I was looking to get through how my husband had hurt me. I didn't think God would show me how I failed, but that's exactly what He did. Before I knew it, people were seeing changes in me.  I eventually realized how horrible I had been to my husband, how I had failed him, how I had betrayed his trust and how I had rejected him. I hurt him beyond belief and I was able to finally see it.  God opened up my eyes and showed me where I needed to improve and showed me that I had never really forgiven anything.  Understand that unforgiveness and pride are like parasites...they destroy.  They destroy not only you, but they destroy relationships and the people that you love! As soon as God revealed to me all I had done wrong through much prayer and counseling, I ran to my husband with the desire to salvage my marriage by being who God called me to be...the wife I was called to be.  I love the pictures above..what they say just spoke to me.  True forgiveness is "Giving Up Your Right to Get Even" and it involves "forgiving and forgetting not seeking revenge and regret"!!! Wow, wow, wow and wow!!! This definitely used to pertain to me.  This was me!  I believe this is the way many people are. They say, I forgive you, but in essence...they really don't. The wrong still lingers constantly in your mind and you as the offended bring up the wrongs committed toward you at every turn. The perpetrator is consistently the receiver of the blame so that you cannot see the error of your own ways and you cannot be set free.  You are so saturated in your anger, bitterness and resentment that you don't see that you are drowning.  The parasites have a hold on your life and your future because you are choosing unforgiveness. True forgiveness is FREEDOM! Even if the other person isn't sorry or doesn't understand what they have done to you...YOU are the one who will continue to pay because of your inability to let it go...truly let it go.  Love keeps no records of wrongs.  Think about that. Love dismisses wrongs completely whether deserved or not. Think about this, Jesus Christ was God in the flesh and He NEVER sinned. He never did one thing wrong...ever.  He didn't even know what wrong felt like. Compared to His pureness and holiness, we are evil!  We are covered in filth.  The day He was undeservingly crucified, He was dying for EVERYONE who has ever lived and who will ever live.  That day alone, He was spat on, He was beaten, His skin was ripped from His body with whips, He was mocked, He was hated, He was made fun of, He was kicked and ultimately...His damaged and shattered body and spirit were placed on a rugged cross. He was literally nailed to a cross with stakes placed in both His hands and feet.  The Highest of high, the Holiest of Holies and God in the flesh was crucified by those He came to die for. He was hung in between to criminals who were also being crucified.  You and I put Him there just as the people of that day did.  What's amazing is He FORGIVES us...freely. He FORGIVES us because of who He is not because we deserve it.  If He can forgive us for doing that to Him, shouldn't we be able to forgive anything done to us...freely?  The amazing thing is that Jesus NEVER brings up our sin, He NEVER says you did this to me, He NEVER says work for my love and forgiveness.  He has NEVER asked for anything in return. He was murdered by us and He LOVES US.  He is the one true example of love and forgiveness.  Aren't we to learn from Him?  Aren't we supposed to live our lives as He did? What makes us too big and too good to forgive anyone?  We are just as dirty as everyone else.  Our PRIDE will not let us forgive the wrongs done to us!  Forgiveness = dismissal. We cannot heal unless we fully forgive.  This is what I experienced...this is what God did with me.  He got rid of my PRIDE and my INABILITY TO FORGIVE.  I was 37 years old!  It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way! Now, I am dealing with the aftermath of that pride and unforgiveness and frankly, it's horrible.  God will hold me and me alone accountable for my choice to forgive or not. Matthew 7:5 from the bible says, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  In other words, don't judge a person for what they do because you too have done wrong!  God is the only one who can place a level or grading scale on your sin, we cannot because in His eyes, all sin is equal. My wrongs/sins are equal to your wrongs/sins.  Everything we do to each other is so minor compared to what we did to Him.  Can you forgive like Him?  I have had disagreements with family and friends and have been very hurt by them...sometimes repeatedly.  I am walking a fine line right now on how to decipher between true Godly forgiveness and deciding if certain relationships are just not good for me. Can you forgive and not return to certain relationships?  Can you forgive and return to relationships without any disdain?  I think you can. For example, marriage is a convenant that is lifelong between two spouses and God.  I believe that God has equipped us to forgive our spouses and stay in our marriages, but we must CHOOSE to do so. My struggle is knowing that I have fully forgiven and am free from any sort of grudge.  I don't want that in my life.  I am also trying to understand why people aren't accountable for their own actions.  Why do people refuse to see where they are wrong?  I have to understand and accept that it is not my place to make them accountable or to make them see. It is His job.  I am only responsible for me. When I forgive, I am learning to forgive fully. I know that I have forgiven and I know that I am forgiven when wrongs are not brought up anymore, when there is no lashing out in anger and there is love again!  I have grown a lot and I am still a work in progress.  I am far from perfect and I do a lot of wrongs, but I am grateful for those who love me enough and who love themselves enough to forgive me! More than that, I am grateful to my Father above who taught me what true forgiveness is...letting go, bringing it up no more, trusting to start over and loving more than resenting. I choose to forgive because it sets me free and it makes me more like Him!