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Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Monday, March 27, 2017
Letting Go...The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done.
Image Credit: www.livelifehappy.com and #rehabtime
It’s that time…time to walk away. I am forced to walk away from my husband and all of the future dreams I had with him. I cannot hold on anymore to a love that is one-sided. I cannot hold on anymore to a man who chooses to turn away, to reject, to payback, to hurt and to deceive. I know that I fought so hard. I know I held on with all of my strength, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. God knows, I tried. I couldn’t compete with the continuous lies, rejection and the other woman. I couldn’t compete and I couldn’t knit back together the pieces of our brokenness without the pieces he was holding on to. I could only knit the pieces of our marriage back together that I held…they were delicate and beautiful to me, but they weren’t enough. I tried so hard, but there were gaps…huge gaps where his pieces were missing. I begged, pleaded, cried, embraced and took on all of the blame for everything…I loved him more. He convinced himself that we were not worth saving. He convinced himself that she was worth more. He convinced himself that our family wasn’t worth it. He convinced himself that hating me was better than choosing to love me. He convinced himself that I was his enemy when I know I love him so deeply and genuinely. He justified his adulterous affair with this woman…he actually justified it. Mourning the death of your dreams, your family and your marriage while you are alive and in it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I clung to my husband. I wanted to try and make him see clearly while his mind was fogged. I tried to claw my way to his heart. I wanted to shake him and say, “Wake up! I am here! We can do this. Choose love…choose us!”, but I realize it wouldn’t have done any good. He sold his soul and betrayed his commitment to me over two years ago. He stepped out of our marriage then and since then, I never had a chance. When your spouse decides and chooses to hate you, to blame you, to reject you, to cheat on you, to deceive you and to blatantly dismiss you and disregard you relentlessly…time and time again…it’s over. Nothing I could’ve said or did say mattered. I was a blinded fool. I thought what we had was worth the fight. I thought what we could have was worth the fight. He didn’t. It didn’t help much that he had another woman whispering in his ear that we weren’t worth the fight either. Do you know what it is like to have a serpent slithering into your relationship wrapping her spineless scales around the heart of the man you love…around your husband and the father of your children? Do you know what it’s like to beg that seed of Satan to back away from your family and your husband only to be mocked? To have the man you married and whom you believe would never stray walk away and behave in ways you never dreamed is devastating. It wasn’t once or twice or even three times, but it was an ongoing lie day after day. The enemy penetrated our marriage in many ways, but hatred and unforgiveness were the primary ways my husband was stolen from me. No matter what I did wrong, our children and I should’ve never been treated this way. He should’ve walked away if that was his hearts desire. Do you know what it is like to be made to feel you are crazy or a nag because you have the expectations of your spouse that they not cheat on you, they not lie to you, they not dismiss and disregard you? It’s a very painful spot to question your sanity. You see, this choice was not mine…it never was. It was his. I was only in control of me and I know I did what I could do. I couldn’t control him. I couldn’t make him. I couldn’t sway him. So, when the level of disrespect had become too much to bare and began to involve our children, I knew it was time to let go. He isn’t able to see clearly in order to maintain a level of respect anymore. He is blinded by his anger and his lust. In this, I let go. I set him free. I love him enough to set him free and I love me enough to never hurt like this again! I cannot hold him to his commitment anymore. I cannot impress upon him the vow that he made with me before our God. I cannot make him believe my sorrow for the ways I have hurt him and have contributed to our demise. I cannot make him forgive. I cannot make him value what we have and the future of our children…he has to see this on his own and he just doesn’t. His need for payback and his desire to see me suffer was so strong that it overtook his good sense and the good character he once possessed. Now, he is with her and he believes lying about it will somehow manipulate the truth. He believes it isn’t seen. I know that in his heart and in his gut, he knows what he is doing is wrong. He knows that investing in this other woman and becoming the very man he promised he would never be is wrong...for him. He knows, but he doesn’t care right now. He is so focused on my wrongs and my failures that he refuses to look at himself. He cannot change me, he cannot change what I have done, he cannot change the past, but he is solely in control of his current choices and for that…he is guilty. So, I will walk away. I will give him what he has been fighting for over the past two years…freedom from me, the flushing away of his family for her. I will not restrain him anymore in what small way I could. I will let him end up with this harlot and he will have to see for himself who she is one day when his mind is clear. He will have to look at his children and realize the devastation he caused. I am responsible for me, but he is responsible for him. So, to you...my husband...I let you go. I loved you and I still love you. May you find the happiness you seek.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
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Tuesday, January 31, 2017
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Monday, January 30, 2017
I Am Walking Away...For Good
Image Credit: K. Piper and KUSHANDWIZDOM
Even amidst the constant rejection, deceit and
unfaithfulness…I was willing to forgive.
I was willing to see past your bad choices. I was hoping you would see what you were
doing and that it would devastate you the way it has me and our family. I was hoping you would be disgusted in the
person you have allowed yourself to become.
I stood by for two years waiting for you to say goodbye to her, but you
won’t. Now, I know I have done all that
I can and that I have loved you fully, selflessly and completely without
reservation. I know I have to walk away and never look back and that’s just what I am going to do.
My Cheating Huband...
Learning everything you ever had and thought you had is a
lie is one of the toughest places I’ve ever been in. Learning that your husband is not the man he
has claimed to be for the past 17 years is a hard pill to swallow. Finding out your husband is having an ongoing
affair is one of the most paralyzing and helpless feelings I have ever
known. Since we agreed to try and put
our marriage back together two years ago, my husband has been carrying on a relationship
with another woman. Typically, when a
married man decides to work on things with his wife, it would seem that he
would truly give the marriage a fair chance by disconnecting with his female “friend”. For two years, my gut has been telling me
that something was going on. Perhaps,
the hidden daily phone calls between the two of them, the hidden messaging apps
on his phone, her phone number listed under a male friends name in his
contacts, the fact that she was spotted wearing his clothing in a picture, the
picture showing that they attended a football game together and rode in his
car, the lack of intimacy, the way he slept on the couch for months on end, my
husband going out and getting drunk with this woman, the woman’s mother
leaving a voicemail message on his cell phone professing her daughters love for
my husband, my husband introducing my daughter
to this woman and/or my husband announcing that the other woman and her daughter
will be going on a trip planned just for him and one of your children and that
they will be hanging out…maybe, these things throughout the past two years
should’ve been dead giveaways. I wanted
so desperately to believe my husband when he said, “it isn’t what it seems” and
“she’s just a friend”. The funny thing
is…IT’S EVERYTHING IT SEEMED! He just doesn’t
want to be known as a cheater, but HE IS A CHEATER! Not only has this married man dismissed my
feelings and completely disregarded my concerns about this other woman, he has
now brought her around my child. What
baffles me is that he never stopped to consider HER! How do you bring this trash, the very woman
who is breaking up your family and ripping apart your daughter’s world around
her…to meet her???!!! How do you do
that? To me, those are the clear actions
of a cheater…selfishness and thinking with anything, but your head. Then, to think that this woman has the
audacity to continue hanging around your husband after you have reached out to
her and asked her stop. This woman comes
around your child and introduces herself as if it is normal?!! This is pure evil.
Why stay in the marriage if what you want is something
else? Why be intimate with me when you
were? Why buy me jewelry? Why go on trips with me? Why?!
I know why! The answer is plain
and simple…to look good. The only thing
this man cares about is looking good to the world. He wants to come across as the victim as the
one who has done everything right. That
is his story and I am certain he will tell it.
So far, she is buying it. No
telling the lies he has told her about us.
There is more just like her out there who will believe it, but I am done
believing the disgusting lies.
The sad part is the woman he has chosen…she is has a criminal
record and she is a former addict. She
has been arrested four different times for shoplifting and drugs. How has he stooped this low? The only thing I can do now is set him
free. Now, they can be together
openly. I will no longer be a part of
their charade. The charade is up. I wish them the best of luck…they actually
deserve each other. I will be so much
better off without this toxicity in my life.
I am done mourning…I have been doing this for two years. I am done trying. I am done begging. I am done wondering. I am done.
What Does the Other Woman Look Like?
When you think about the other woman…the adulteress, the cheater, the destroyer of families and marriages…who do you picture in your mind? What does that other woman look like to you? Is she obvious in her tactics? Is she someone promiscuous in her ways? Does she dress overly flirty? Does she pounce on your husband and seek him out like her prey? Sure, she may be those things. However, she may be someone very different than that on the surface. Maybe she is less direct and less assuming. Perhaps, she is sly and cunning in nature…the ultimate deceiver. What if she is a single mother looking for a father figure for her child(ren) and comes to view your husband as the perfect solution to her worries and someone who is the complete opposite of her ex? She uses the fact that she is a “good mother” or “single mother” to win your husbands sympathy. What if she believes your husband could offer her some financial stability and a hope for a better future…something she has never tasted? What if she is a woman with a sob story about how her husband has done her wrong and uses that to gain your husbands sympathy? What if she is someone who “just wants to be friends” with your husband? What if she shares in some of the same interests as your husband or changes like a chameleon taking on your husbands interests, hobbies and ideals? Maybe she begins to read books he reads or like sports teams he likes. What if she is the fun one that can let loose and go for drinks while the respectable and faithful wife is at home taking care of his children and home? What if, she doesn’t come on strong at first? What if she starts by building up the very woman she seeks to destroy…only to seem as if she is a good person with no ulterior motive? Whatever she is…whoever she is, I am certain she isn’t as innocent as she pretends.
The adulterous woman is a morally deficient person from the ground up. There is something within her lacking which causes her to knowingly pursue a married man with a family. She doesn’t respect the marriage covenant nor does she respect herself. She is incapable of true love. She will walk through fire to get what she wants while wreaking havoc on many lives. She is a person who disregards others even the man she is after not looking at the long-term consequences he faces by having an affair and destroying his family. She cannot see that the foundation of a relationship based on a lie is doomed from the start. She is one who seeks to fulfill her own needs, desires and wants even when there are millions of single men out there for her to sink her talons in to even men who could offer her the same benefits as the married man she pursues. The problem is, she is too lazy, cowardly and morally void. She is calculated like the master she serves. She is evil like the master she serves. Like her master, she will win for a moment, but that victory will be short lived. If she is morally deficient in other areas of her life, she has no guilt in having an affair with a married man. Maybe she is a drug addict, maybe she is a thief, maybe she is a habitual homewrecker and maybe she pawns her child(ren) off on her parents while she is out prowling for a married man.
The sad part is, she is not alone in the adultery. It takes two. Your husband, if weak, can and will fall prey to one of her many tactics. She may not be attractive, she may be trashy, she may be married too, she may be an addict, etc., but none of that will matter. He won’t be able to see her for who she truly is. He will overlook her evil ways choosing to see only what he wants to see. He will flush all that is good and all that he could have down the drain for this lie. Sometimes, your husband can be saved from this fall, but other times, he doesn’t want to be saved. Once he begins taking on her form and behaviors, he is likely too far gone. He is consumed with deceit just as she is and has no regard for his family and the damage he is causing. Even though you will come to know what the adulteress looks like, he will live in denial as to her character. The truth becomes relative. He too morphs into an adulterer.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Friday, January 20, 2017
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Tuesday, January 10, 2017
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Don’t always wonder what if?!?!....NEVER wonder WHAT IF? Today is your day. Let's chat...
Don’t always wonder what if?!?!....NEVER wonder WHAT IF? Today is your day. Let's chat...
The Other Woman...
Image Credit: Ruby Wives (follow them on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/RubyWives2011/)
For those who have gone through this or who are going through this, you have touched my heart and this too has touched my life. I wanted to share this with you. You are the winner, you are a far better person and you need to know. Your character is not stained and forever marked. Even though they try and blame you, you did nothing wrong to warrant their choices. Enough said.
"I've let go -let go of her...the other woman. The one he cheated with. The one who stole from our marriage. The one I felt I needed to compare myself to ...and then I realized she couldn't a hold a candle to me even if she wanted to. She lowered herself to be with him. I am higher than that and it's okay. I've let go of the anger and unforgiveness; and I realize that she must not value herself to be involved with another woman's husband, so I pray for her. I Pray that she will realize her mistakes; that she's been fooled. When she thought she won, she actually lost. She lost her dignity, she lost her values, and she threw herself away for something that wasn't hers to begin with. I pray she finds real love, forgiveness and healing. Even though I went through a lot, I'm strong, I'm beautiful, and I am loved. Stealing, cheating, lying, hiding, and commiting adultery -these things aren't love. I wouldn't want to be her for even a moment. ~ Ruby Wives, Copyright 2012"
Thursday, January 5, 2017
You...Lord
I am praying, waiting and trusting. I am a work in progress. It's so easy to get discouraged and to give up. It's so easy to carry the burden. It's so easy to listen to the enemy and to fall captive to his schemes especially when you feel your spouse does from time to time. My knees and my face will hit the ground relentlessly and I will pray to You Lord. I will wait on You Lord and I will trust in You Lord. Dear Father, I need you now...quiet my storm and my uncertainty. Use this as an opportunity to build my faith and turn beauty from ashes. Bring us to you Dear Father...rebuild and restore what is rightfully Yours. Use me as Your example...use me, use my marriage and use my spouse to show others Your almighty power, love and faithfulness...that You are in the business of miracles and restoration. Use me, use us. I am Yours. Forgive me when I cannot see You through the storm. Forgive me for taking my eyes off of You Dear Father. Forgive me for hearing the words of my enemy...the ultimate enemy of my marriage. I am weary Dear Father, help me to find rest. You are my refuge and help in time of trouble. You are my safe place...cover me with Your feathers. Turn my eyes to you oh Lord. Keep my eyes on you Dear Lord. Restore what is broken...so much is broken. Remove from our lives all who seek to devour us...all who are being used by the enemy to turn us away from each other and our covenant with You. Cast down all evil in the form of all things destructive and illicit and bind the enemy in its many forms. Remove from my life and my husband's life those who do not have the best interest of my marriage and my family at heart. Open our eyes to those who seek to destroy what you have joined together. Convict them Dear Father of their sinful and destructive ways. Bring the evil of others to light so that my husband and I can see clearly who is against us. Shine your light on any darkness in our marriage and in our lives. Soften our hearts and open us up to each other. Place forgiveness on our hearts toward one another even if not deserved. Restore trust, truth, faithfulness, honesty, intimacy, friendship and love to our marriage. Turn my husband toward me and turn me toward him. You are our hope in time of need. You are our defender and our rock. Build a hedge of protection around my husband, around my family, around my marriage, around my home and around me. I turn this over to You. I cannot carry this weight anymore...this burden is too great. I thank you for the healing you are doing in my marriage. I thank you for the restoration you are working in my marriage. I thank you for your faithfulness and your undeserved love and favor. I will keep my eyes on You and You alone. In the name of my Redeemer and Savior, Jesus Christ...Amen.